L07 Sexual Intimacy and Family Life (Part 1)

I watched a video interview with Laura Brotherson and Jim Mock. Laura is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. Laura explains that talking about sex is a taboo for women but we need not be ashamed. Rather, we should investigate the topic because education brings benefits! She is not only talking about women here. Laura identifies that sex is an important issue between couples because many find that their sex life is not all that great. Some marriages are successful and happy, yet they lack a fulfilling sex life. Laura wrote two books and is on her third in which she investigates the female and male qualities of a healthy sex life. For woman, it is harder to be aroused, and for men it is easier. This is not because woman lack interest more than men but rather, men and woman are wired differently. She explains that couples need to train themselves and work towards fulfilling their needs of intimacy. Men can learn the wiring of woman, if they only study and work at it. Men may wonder themselves that their wives are “broken” when in fact, he has not been educated.

Laura advocates saving sex until marriage. Research shows that sex is most enjoyable in marriage. This is so because sex is a bonding experience. If there is no commitment, it can be a hurtful experience and damaging in the long run. “Sex is the dessert” she asserts. Laura further proclaims that parents not only need to be educated about sex, but need to educate their children. Children need to learn abstinence (save sex until marriage), avoid the risk of pornography addiction, and beware of infidelity. Pornography and infidelity is extremely harmful and damaging when one is seeking true intimate relationships. Some people see it as a “quick fix” but they end up feeling lonely in the long run or face serious repercussions. It is a rigorous and uneasy process to recover from.

Some parents think that the sex talk is only needed as a one-time thing. However, it is most effective if it is ongoing. Laura states five critical points in a child’s life where parents should discuss the topic of sex: before their first day at school, the age of accountability (eight years old), before puberty, before their first date, and before marriage. “These points are not optional,” she emphasizes. Boys ultimately need to learn to bridle their passions and not see woman as mere objects but as a whole person. She also suggests referencing Elder Holland’s talk, “Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” in how to teach young men to bridle their passions.

I really enjoyed watching this interview. Talking about sex, I would have to agree, is kind of a touchy subject. I definitely think that it should be talked about in sacredness. However, I feel that it is necessary. Especially, nowadays because the way that it is depicted in media. Therefore, I believe that talking about sex is a serious subject rather than what society may deem as “anything goes.” Sex is all over the media and it is portrayed in ways which may make us feel pressured to live up to. Woman are usually depicted with a perfect figure and that everything about sex should be perfect, otherwise, if we are not, there is something wrong with us. On the contrary, there is something wrong with how it is portrayed. If we are feeling a void in our lives, getting hurt, and never living up to a standard that seems impossible to reach, it is probably because the way that we are living has something to do with it. Pay attention to the movies you watch and the feelings that instill upon you when you leave the theater, does it leave a sour bitter taste in your mouth? Probably because it is. People are a lot smarter than they think they are, we just do not seem to put two and two together (head and heart), just because something feels good in the moment, does not mean it is in the long run. In this same way, if we are truly educated (putting two and two together) in what will bring true happiness in intimacy, we will not only avoid bitter feelings that instant gratification tends to reap, but that we might also stop feeling bad about ourselves about never knowing what love really feels like besides what it may look like in media. God is no respecter of persons and no person is faulty, only that path which we take that is deviated from His own. The Lord’s path protects us from those awful feelings and gives us tips to know how we can feel good feelings and even greater ones that we have never felt before. I know this is true because I have experienced it. In my next post, I will explain ways in which we might teach our children about intimacy.

Book recommendations : "Knowing Her Intimately," 

and "And They Were Not Ashamed" by Laura A. Brotherson