L06 Insights- Happiness in Marriage

     I always enjoy when our teacher, Brother Williams shares his experiences and insights about family life. With each child a couple has, marital satisfaction tends to decline. As children leave the nest, marital satisfaction may take increase or decrease. One alarming statistic is that most divorces occur within 2-5 years of marriage when children come into the family, while children are leaving or after. The reason is that couples focus spend too much time on their children and neglect their own relationship with each other. They may find that there is nothing that is holding their relationship together.

     Marital satisfaction decreases because of the many challenges parenthood entails. Children can be loud, smelly, have inconsistent sleep patterns, be demanding, and need much attention. Emotional challenges entail each one or the other feeling left out in bonding or daily labors. The increase in workload presents less time spent together, especially mothers who do most of the childcare. One solution to mitigate these problems are to plan early. It is wise for wives to plan creative ways to involve their spouse before, during, and after the birth of their child. This can be talking about their experience, having husbands take precedence in the birthing process (rather than it being a “grandma event”), and sharing bonding experiences. It is also important to pay attention to each other’s needs and take turn on tasks.

     Another topic we talked about in class was about the expenses of marriage. Brother Williams mentioned the more amount of money that is spent on the event and the ring itself, the more likely it is to fail. This may be due to the fact of where priorities lay. We hypothesized that the reasons could be that they were getting married for the wrong reasons in the first place, such as winning the other’s love through money. I looked up on google, and yes, this is true. (http://nypost.com/2014/10/15/the-pricier-the-ring-the-likelier-the-divorce/) I wonder why celebrities seem to have the highest divorce rate. They are bombarded with the philosophy of consumerism bringing happiness, when in fact it creates division, jealousy, and maybe even less time for building true intimacy.

     Lastly, I read a talk given by Spencer W. Kimball called, “Marriage and Divorce.” (https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/spencer-w-kimball_marriage-divorce/) I was alarmed, yet pleased in the statistic that ½ of all marriages compared to 10% of temple marriages end in divorce. Most of the reasons for this due to selfishness. Selfishness entails thinking about one’s own needs instead of the good of the family. Kimball gives four ingredients to make a successful marriage, but in order to do so, no part should be left out.

     First off, marriage should not be entered into for the wrong reasons such as wealth, status, or showing up a former partner. It is recommended that we marry those of the same background to avoid breakup for reasons of incompatibility. This includes education, race, and religious background. Much prayer and fasting must go into consideration. We must choose a partner that fit as nearly as possible all the matters of importance to us. When we kneel at the altar, we make an agreement to work hard to achieve those ideals.

     Second, we must commit ourselves to unselfishness. “I” now becomes “we.” Our actions must be considered and be aware that they have an effect on the overall happiness of our spouse and children. Spouses grow apart when they seek to have the same comfortability that they grew up with. For instance, when both work, it might lead to competition, pride, and misunderstandings.

 Third, continued courting entails expressions of kindness and consideration to keep love growing. Love is like a flower. It will die if not nourished with esteem, admiration, expressions of gratitude, and unselfishness.

     Fourth, we must completely live of the commandments of Jesus Christ. Sin does not bring happiness neither can we buy it with money. Permanent happiness only comes through cleanliness and worthiness. A Conscience will continue to afflict, unless it has been seared, will deem a marriage in jeopardy.

     In conclusion, any marriage may be successful if both parties are willing to pay the real price. The idea of soul mates is a disillusionment. We must cleave unto our spouse, meaning that we will keep all intimacies private from others. Yes, we must love our in-laws and appreciate advice, but we work together on our problems in prayerful consideration.