L09: Communication & Mutual Problem Solving

This week we read chapters 9-10 in Lauer. Chapter 9 talks about the challenges of communication. Communication is defined as verbal and nonverbal cues. Even when we are not communicating, we are communicating something to the other person. Nonverbal cues can be the most important part of communication because it accounts for 50-80% of the meaning. There are many different kinds of nonverbal communication: clothes we wear, facial expressions, eye behavior, touching, and tone. The tone of voice can be some of the most important forms of nonverbal communication. The functions of nonverbal behavior include reinforcement, reliability, repetition, regulating, substitution, accenting, attributions, and influence. One interesting fact about how nonverbal behavior influences is that people are more likely to comply with you if your touch, make frequent eye contact, and smile. This will enhance commitment and affection.

                Interpreting nonverbal behavior tends to differ between males and females. Females tend to smile more than males and they also tend to express more sadness. Women are generally more sensitive to nonverbal cues more than men. Interestingly enough, the person with less power in a relationship has greater need to accurately understand the person with more power. Closeness to the other person also affects interpretation. Friends are more accurate than strangers. However, less close friends are more accurate than closer friends. No matter what, it is always important to verbally check one’s accuracy in interpreting nonverbal cues.

                Communication is an interactive process. There are three steps in the communication process: Step 1: encode, Step 2: media, and Step 3: decode. Step 1 is the idea and/or feeling into language. This may be subtle or direct. Step 2 is how the message is transmitted whether it be verbal or nonverbal. Step 3 is how the receiver interprets the message. Static is an interference that may occur which hinders accurate communication. Static may occur in the sender, the media, or the receiver. Senders, for example, may be uncertain of their own feelings or ideas. Depending on chosen mannerisms, words, or exaggerated nonverbal gestures it may instead distract the listener. There may also be too many distractions in the environment. Problems with the receiver might include faulty filtration of the message through their own ideas and feelings as they select, expand, and interpret the words and nonverbal cues to make sense of the message.

                It is important to remember that just because people are communicating, it does not mean that it is effective. It is said by Psychiatrist Karl Menniger, that listening may be more important than talking. It is good that we recognize styles of poor listening so that we can implement more effective strategies. We all have fallen trap or have come in contact with styles of poor listening. Therefore, it is good to become aware of these styles and recognize them in ourselves so that we might become more effective. Styles of poor listening include faking, dependency, interrupting, self-consciousness, and intellectualization. The faker is depicted as someone who acts like they are listening. They may smile and nod but they are thinking about something else. The dependent listener is concerned about making a good impression. They agree excessively and are more concerned with pleasing rather than helping. The interrupter never allows the other to speak. The self-conscious listener is someone who is concerned with status rather than ideas and feelings of the other. They think about how to respond in order to impress the other with the quality of their mind. The intellectual is someone who evaluates what the other person says and fails to interpret nonverbal cues. A computer programmer, for instance, might develop this style of communicating.

                In My next blog post, I will talk about ways of implementing effective communication. One way to become an effective communicator is to practice. Here is a game that you can try with your friends and family. The communication game by Satir identifies three communication types: the placator- always agreeable, the blamer- always finding fault and acts superior, and the computer- ultrarational and analyzes everything. This game is recommended to play with at least three people to represent a mother, father, and child. Decide on a topic of conversation, perhaps a current problem. Have each person select a communication type. Next, discuss the topic for 5 minutes and then talk about how each felt when playing that role. Play the game until each person has had an opportunity to play each of the four roles. If you find that you are unusually comfortable playing each of the roles, is because most likely you have had practice in your life already! You may also feel that some roles are difficult or repugnant to play. Woman find it hard playing the blamer, and men the placator.