There are three ineffective ways
people use to cope with stress: denial,
avoidance, and scapegoating. Denial is the most common. Although denial and
avoidance may be good for collecting oneself in the meantime, it is damaging in
the long run. An example of avoiding a problem may be consuming alcohol. This
form of coping is common among those who suffer from abuse, but it is counterproductive
and dysfunctional. Scapegoating is defined as finding someone or something to
blame. It is not even useful in the short term. It is a way of shifting responsibility
so that one does not have to feel guilt or personally responsible for resolving
a crisis.
Effective coping mechanisms include:
taking responsibility, affirming worth, balancing self with other-concern,
reframing, and finding available resources. Taking responsibility unlike denial, avoidance, and scapegoating. When
someone takes responsibility, they discontinue to act as a victim feeling hurt,
oppressed, exploited, in pain, and helpless. Taking responsibility may entail
confronting an abuser in a family intervention session. While abuse tends to
diffuse inner strengths, it is important that family members take time to affirm their worth and be reminded of their strengths which power may help solve
a problem. One example might be to view themselves as not deserving the abuse. Balancing self-concern with other-concern
is another important coping mechanism. It is important that family members are
not totally focused on themselves or others insomuch that they sacrifice their
own safety. Crisis tends to throw people into self-absorption. If all family
members become self-absorbed, the situation can become hazardous to marital and
familial well-being. Those searching for support may feel abandoned. Families
that handle crisis best, are those that grieve, empathize, and support one
another. Reframing is a tool in
which individuals change their perspective on a situation. For example, they
may define the crisis as an obstacle that will lead to growth as they overcome.
Lastly, finding available resources
is a coping mechanism that may include religious beliefs, self-help groups,
books, extended family, and therapists.
Resilient families resist disruption in the face of change and cope
effectively with crisis. Resilience can be pictured like a rubber band. When
you stretch it out, it bounces back. According to Lauer, some ways of building
resilience are: fostering problem-solving skills, celebrations, religious days,
communication including beliefs and emotions, financial management, hardiness
or optimistic outlook, emotional and physical health, shared leisure,
acceptance of personality and behavior, social support of relatives and
friends, sharing chores, and implementing traditions that carry throughout
generations.
This topic reminds me of the African
slaves who were abused for generations. What gave them power to overcome? What helped
people in Nazi concentration camps power to see themselves as they truly were and
overcome? I have heard the saying that when someone starts calling a child a
profane name, they start to believe it. The mind is a powerful instrument, and
although some people oppress it through their agency, we are also given our own
in how to cope. I believe they were able to see their individual worth as
children of God and perhaps even those who oppressed them. In the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, the author
mentioned how he had to pray to God to give him the feeling of forgiveness if
he would extend His hand. Perhaps he was preserved for that very reason. I am also
reminded of the account of Alma in The Book
of Mormon who raised the banner, “In memory of our God, our religion, and
freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children,” in order to encourage his
people, against Amalickiah who sought to take away their freedom. As they
humbled themselves, recognizing their reliance on God, and by remembering that
by heeding His commandments would enable their deliverance, they were able to
win the battle. In the same way, all other moral leaders in the world that have
made a significant impact had faith in God. Martin Luther King, for instance.
Also, we as Americans have been enabled our freedoms as they were founded on
Christian faith. I am truly grateful that we have a merciful God who will
always hear and answer our prayers and will deliver us as we keep His
commandments, no matter what opposition stands in our way. I love at the
beginning of the Book of Mormon of Nephi’s statement, “I will go and do the
things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no
commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them
that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them,” which seems to
encompass each succeeding event. As the people righteously obey, they are able
to accomplish His purposes to establish a land where none are oppressed.
The other night, when I was riding
my bike home from Institute, I asked myself, “is what I am doing making me
happy?” I then asked myself why on earth I was asking myself this question. I
realized that I truly have a choice as to what things I choose to do to make
myself happy. I made a hope and promise to myself that I will not ever sell
myself short or set myself up for failure in which my life may lead to a series
of miserable events and blame others for that misery. Honestly, I am the one to
make choices that leads to my own happiness, not others. I hope to always have
the determination to live in a wise manner. As I rode my bike home in the quiet
cool night breeze amongst the moon lit night, I realized, yes, I am happy.
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