L08: The Family Under Stress (Part 1)

     Chapter 13 of Lauer’s Marriage and Family text talks about family crisis and how to deal with it. The ABCX model, developed by Rueben Hill, is a way of looking at how a stressor event may occur in families. A=the actual event, B=both resources and responses, C= cognition or the family's perception of the event, and X is the experience or crisis itself. That is the simplified version. There is also the double by McCubbin which includes pileups or an accumulation of stressors.

     There are different stressors that effect the family. Some of those stressors might be defined as Nonnormative such as a death of a child or internal such as drugs and abuse. The affects may vary according to the individuals’ time in life or relationship quality. Stressors also vary in severity and they not only effect the individual but also those in their range of influence. There are different forms of abuse including physical, emotional, and sexual. Abuse may occur between parents, to a child, or vise versa. There are different prototypes to abusers. Those who abuse children usually have low self-esteem, have a child before age 18, unemployed,  single-parent, financial problems, poor mental health, low social support, large number of stressors, and was abused themselves as children. Violence among spouses have similar characteristics coupled with the abuse of alcohol. Sexual abuse or incest occurs when a relative abuses a child under the age of 18. The most common of this type of abuse occurs between a father and his daughter. The reason for abuse may be that the abuser seeks control because they lack something in their lives and has no way of controlling things around them.

     Spousal abuse affects not only those abused but also the children who witness it. The abused may suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder and the child may develop an emotional disorder. Parents who engage in drug abuse also affect themselves and their family. Their abuse leads to inadequate parenting, physical/emotional abuse, and health problems. These problems increase their children to be at risk for alcoholism or drug abuse. Children also suffer relationally and are prone to have anxiety, depression, and trouble in school. Children who suffer from sexual abuse develop low self-esteem, conduct problems, powerlessness, relational issues, depression, and feelings of victimization.

      

     Those who abuse often had been abused themselves. Nevertheless, alcohol or drug abuse is a common contributor in all forms of abuse. In the case of alcohol abuse, the drinker is likely to become more negative and critical with his or her spouse while drinking. There is a strong relationship between alcohol abuse and violence towards one’s spouse. Overall, the prototype of abusers, are characterized to having a number of stressors in their lives with no sort of resolution. How they cope with the stress such as through alcohol, may actually exacerbate the problem, especially if their judgement is impaired. Those who abuse may suggest that their way of living has no impact on those around them but research shows that it effects everyone in their influence, especially children. A parent is more of an example than they may think. When a parent is abusive to a child, the child is more likely to become abusers themselves. In the same way, when a child is shown love, they are likely to become good citizens.

     

     It matters to how we live our lives because our attitudes and actions that we show towards others affect them in ways that we may not readily see. I believe that if we want to make the world a better place, we should always strive to be good, Christ-like examples because people’s hearts change when we show love for them and they, in turn want to give back and show that same love towards others. Treat others the way you wish to be treated is a good rule to live by because sometimes when someone harms you, your automatic reaction is to harm them back to see how it feels, but you can teach them love when you show it. There are many "wicked traditions" such as these, but we determine whether or not they will continue. I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon because when we read it every day, we are promised that the Holy Ghost will influence our words and actions. I have seen that in my own life. If alcohol abuse of a parent has such an impact on a child, imagine what their life would be like if the alcohol was replaced with something of greater importance. It is better to live our lives so that we will be worthy to have the Spirit with us to lead us and guide us so that our hearts heal and we know how to touch others in our influence.