There
are about twenty-four types of remarriages. It consists of a mix of single, divorced,
widowed, with children or none. 69% of woman and 78% of men remarry. Widows are
the less likely people to get married. Those who are divorced, however, are
more likely to be divorced. Serial marriages are a term used for those who have
been in three or more marriages.
The
dating process is similar to the experiences that one has had in prior to their
first marriage. They experience similar feelings of anxiety and apprehension.
Mothers, however, may experience higher levels of stress and harsher parenting
when their children display resentment. Widows may take more time to process
their emotional upheaval before they begin the dating process. Those who prepare
for remarriage tend to seek advice through books or counseling. They may even
resort to cohabitation. However, couples should be aware that cohabitation diminishes
stability and satisfaction in marriage.
Those
who seek to remarry may be seeking to establish an intimate relationship and
fulfill their needs. However, some may find themselves disappointed because
their private contracts may be unrealistic expecting their new spouse to
fulfill all obligations that their prior spouse did not. This might include
loyalty, nurturing children, companionship, coping, and commitment. There are
also myths that entail remarriage such as thinking that it will make people
happier. Realistically, everyone reacts differently. Children especially.
Challenges
to remarriage include complexities in the relationship to one another and all
other prior and current relations. The couple that remarries are already in an
older phase in their lives and if their relationship entails children, they do
not have as much time to establish a relationship with one another. Roles
within the family are ambiguous because children my challenge parents’ power
because of no biological relation. Couples may deal with emotional issues from
their first marriage whether it be lingering emotional attachment or negative
feelings. These unresolved emotional issues effect not only their relationship
but problems with children may be exacerbated.
The
quality of a remarriage depends on the couples consensus on important topics,
social support, financial stability, handling children, nature of relationship
with Ex, and extent of enjoyable family activities. Remarried couples are apt
to deal with conflict less effectively than their first marriage. They not only
lack problem-solving strategies, but the interaction with parents and in-laws
as an additional buffer. Although remarriages have their weaknesses, they also
have strengths. Not only do couples have a better balance between self and
other interests, but husbands exhibit more non-traditional gender-role
orientation. In other words they contribute to household tasks.
The new
step-family typically goes through a similar cycle as to a traditional marriage
but entails a few adjustments. The first two years are the most turbulent. The
fifth year is known as the “golden period” where children are in latency (ages
8-11). During this period routines and intimacy are established. During the
sixth year, known as “singing in the rain,” are depicted as the troublesome
teen years. Couples may be apt to attribute their challenges as to being a
stepfamily, but the fact is that these challenges are typical among all.
The structure of stepfamilies is ambiguous. Family
boundaries may differ according to how much each member participates in another’s
life. Children may define their biological and biological parents in terms of
retention, substitution, reduction, and augmentation. Children may or may not include
their biological or step-parent as they refer to them as parents. Ambiguity
also entails behavior expectations for children among biological,
non-biological, and other obligations to ex-spouse relations.
Step-fathering
fairs better than step-mothering because children do better living with the
mother. However, step-mothers would fair better in the relationship with their
step-children if they lived with her. Step-fathers have better relationships
with their step-children if they are engaged in parenting, communicating, and
supported by their spouse in discipline. Although mother report as well or
better parenting than their former spouse, step-children have lower academic
performance, achievement, school related behavior problems, higher levels of
depressive symptoms, and greater likelihood of spending time in jail. Family
functioning also may entail less cohesion than intact families as they display
lower levels of adaptability and ability to deal with problems successfully.
Generally, there are more conflict with members, lower expressiveness in
feelings, problem-solving skills, openness of communication, and quality of
relationships. However, children fair better in a step-family rather than a
single-parent household. Although divorce may effect children’s well-being the
parents may be able to help them best by strengthening their own marital
relationship. They can do this by setting aside time alone together and show
each other that they care.
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