Lesson 05 Preparing for Marriage

     This week we learned about how to prepare for marriage. We read chapters 5-7 in the Marriage and Family Book. The three chapters I read were about getting involved in a relationship, falling in Love, and selecting a life partner. In the first chapter we learned about different types of lovers or in which we feel love for another person. Storge, philia, eros, agape, ludus, mania, and pragma. Storge is likened unto the unconditional love that a parent might have for their children. Storgic lovers develop sort of a slow affection for another person. Philia is the type of love that exists between friends. Erotic lovers focus on the physical aspects of a relationship. They feel passionate or strong attraction. Agapic lovers act on behalf of the well-being of others whether they like them or not. Ludic lovers enjoy relationships as a past time rather than wanting to be deeply involved. These types value their autonomy, freedom, privacy, and self-sufficiency. Manic lovers may fluctuate between extreme feelings such as jealousy and passion. The Pragmatic lovers consciously look for and assess a person’s character in order to seek compatibility. Styles of love vary by gender, ethnicity, and religiosity. Religious persons score higher than others on storge, pragma, and agape. Neutrally religious score highest on eros and ludus.

    

     It is also interesting that our attachments styles have developed because of our parents’ way of nurturing. Attachment styles include secure, avoidant, or anxious/ambivalent. Those with a secure attachment style are willing to get close and feel secure in a relationship. Avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid or distance themselves and is more comfortable with self-reliance than intimacy. They are less willing to trust people and show lower levels of intimacy. The anxious/ambivalent people show anxiety or fear of the other person abandoning them and seeks to establish close relationships.

     

     When pursuing relationships there are some things that we need to be aware of. cohabitation and date rape. Cohabitation to be a growing trend in the world today and many people tend to think that it is a good way of “testing out compatibility for marriage.” This however, is not the best way to go about finding a life partner. Statistics show that those who cohabit are unhappier in marriage and most likely to get a divorce. The reason being is that they do not deem marriage as a sacred union in the first place. In fact, woman are nine times more likely to be killed in a cohabiting relationship. 88% of college woman have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual victimization by the end of four years. Higher rates occur among those who use drugs, binge drink and are involved in risky sexual behavior. Unfortunately, more college woman are disappointed because there is more casual hooking up than dating which usually involves alcohol. Do not be discouraged. Bruce A. Chadwick’s talk called, “Hanging Out, Hooking Up and Celestial Marriage,” gives some powerful suggestions in establishing and strengthening a celestial marriage:

1. Throw away the glass slippers- God is more concerned about you finding the right one rather than “the one”. There are many out there who can fit into the class slipper.

2. Don’t wait for others to carry your glass slipper about the campus looking for a match. Be proactive. Strong marriages come after growing through life’s challenges together. The best marriage or anti-divorce ticket is a valid temple recommend renewed each year

3. Exercise faith and have courage in dating and marriage. We must be like Moses’ people who were commanded to sanctify themselves so that they would be able to cross the Red Sea. Sanctifying may entail: washing clothes turn of trashy television, catch up on tithing, read scriptures for an hour, and say your prayers.

4. Keep physical intimacy at an appropriate level so as to enjoy the presence of the Spirit and to be worthy to seal your commitment to each other in the temple. Get a copy of Elder Hollands BYU talk, “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments.” Too much intimacy can turn love to guile, dislike, and perhaps hate like Amnon who forced Tamar to lay with him in the bible.